Ha. Not really. It's a pretty solitary road I've embarked upon. I like the wee small hours of the night, tapping/bashing (depending on how into it I am) at the the keyboard. I like the solitude, the risks taken and the coffee drunk. I like a tipple on a cold eve in my shed, with nothing but the light of the screen and the green glow of the tip of my e-cigarette.
I have given up smoking. Oh yes. It's been five weeks since my last ciggy...and yep, it's hit me where it hurts. My mojo.
I've given up lots of things this year. Not totally, but down to moderate levels. Ciggies, entirely. Coffee, in parts - as alcohol.
I do not feel awesome in any way.
I feel like shit, to be honest.
I don't miss ciggies. Thought I would. Don't miss any of it, really. But I do feel pretty damn unhealthy. The car's in the shop so I've been walking everywhere. Probably five miles a day or so. I don't feel healthy for that, either. My back aches, my sciatic nerve in my left leg is giving me cramps and jumps at night. I have insomnia.
I can't work.
I am completely and hopelessly blocked in every way. I can't edit, read, promote, and I certainly can't write.
Here's a picture...folks like a picture.
For the uninitiated, the Elderscrolls (yeah, I'm going somewhere with this...bear with me ;) did not begin with Skyrim.
It began with Arena.
This is my curse. This has always been my curse.
I've written through sciatica, blood clots, alcoholism, drug addiction, insomnia, depression, mania...
But always, I have returned to the evil time vampire that is PC GAMING.
It began long ago...way back...with DOOM. Apropos, I think. I spent an obscene amount of my final year at university playing that game. God, I was hooked right then.
Over the years, I've been hooked on many a game. Baldur's Gate, Doom, Medal of Honor, Might and Magic, Final Fantasy, Goldeneye, Fallout....I had a Nintendo 64, a Playstation, an X-Box...but my weapon of choice was always the PC...and yes, my favourite - the Elderscrolls.
I've been hooked on the Elderscrolls since forever.
I've spent literally thousands of hours gaming. Wasting time, I guess. I could have written probably thirty or forty books in that time. Read another two hundred or more...and yet, even though I know what a terrible waste of time gaming is for a writer, I return, time and time again.
I love it.
So, I'm not bored while I'm blocked. I'm playing Skyrim. I'm considering playing Arena and Daggerfall again, too. Just to experience a little nostalgia.
I'm not considering attempting to work. That sounds terrible, I know. I know there are a few people now who actually read my work (a strange concept for me to get my head around). I know, too, that certain people are waiting on the conclusion to the Rythe books. I have novels coming out (don't panic, publishers - I'm not quitting!) and appearances to make. I have promotion that will continue.
But as for writing? I've always been the same, and I'm too damn old to change.
It'll happen when it happens, and I'm not going to force it. I never have. In the meantime, Tamriel awaits.
Love you. xxx