So, I wake up. Good start. Not dead, not quite alive, maybe. Some kind of netherworld of 5am. I think bacon's the trick for this, the cure. Hmm, cured bacon. Smokey, tasty, crispy. With an egg. Maybe two. I'll go to the shop and get some bacon, I think, no, I decide. I'm decisive. Manly. Gonna eat bacon. Me, man.
It'll taste like Babe, Pig in the City, in my belly.
Kids are in the car and I'm happy enough, trundling off to the shop. It's raining a fair bit, but I'm in the car so I get a little wet going from the house to the car, the car to the shop. No big deal. The kids don't grumble because we're taking an early trip in the car to the shop to buy bacon and they're happy. Kids like early trips to the shops in the dark, especially when there's bacon.
But it's bacon we're talking about here, not the kids.
Bacon's on special. Best day ever!
I get home and stick the bacon under the grill. Mooch a while. Maybe I make a cup of tea, or smoke a cigarette while I wait.
Something stinks. Stinks bad, like a dead dirty pig's hairy fucking arse.
It's the bacon. The bacon doesn't just smell bad. Smells like Babe decomposed a lot before making it to my grill. I check the date on the bacon. It's in date. It's dead, yes, but not decomposed at least.
Something's rotten in Denmark. Shitty Danish bacon, right? Pigs in cages, treated like their carrots or potatoes, unfeeling beasts farmed for meat and nothing else. I don't fucking care, but think, should've bought British. Bought meat with a decent standard of living...before someone killed it so I could eat it.
Nope. It is British. Says so on the pack.
Also, the pack says, 'UNSMOKED'.
Cunt, I think, and throw the bacon in the bin.
After a while, I wonder if I mean the pig, or me.
Love you. x
Novel and Novella Excerpts
- The Dead Boy
- Left to Darkness
- A Stranger's Grave
- Masters of Blood and Bone
- Unit 731
- Flesh and Coin
- The Walls of Madness
- The Love of the Dead
- Cold Fire
- A Home by the Sea
- A Scarecrow to Watch over Her
- Death by a Mother's Hand
- The Cold Inside
- Dark Words
- Angels in Black and White
- Dead in the Trunk
- Ghost Voices
- Pig (With Edward Lorn)
- Spiggot, Too
- Days of Christmas
- BLOOD DRUGS TEA
- The Outlaw King
- The Thief King
- The Queen of Thieves
- Rythe Awakes
- Tides of Rythe
- Rythe Falls
- Beneath Rythe
- The Line of Kings Boxed Set Edition
- The Rythe Quadrilogy Boxed Set Edition
- The Complete Sun Destroyers Saga (Septology)
- The Warrior Soul
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Taking Drugs Successfully
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Keeping your Broken Body Ticking
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Fixing and Making Stuff
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Coping with Small Humans
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Cooking like Normal People