I don't often use the blog as a sounding board for my shit...oh, wait, yes I do. But here's a little blog about being bi-polar.
Ten years or so ago, I was diagnosed. It's not a secret. Don't see why it should be. It's just a thing, like having a cleft palate, or syndactyly. It's a thing. It's a word, a descriptor. It's not what you are, or who you are.
Some people struggle with it. Fuck, I do, sometimes. Sometimes it's just fine, sometimes it's better than fine - peachy. Other times that big black dog nips your heels and you wish it would all just...go...away...
But I've written about this before - being a human isn't all chemistry, or psycho-social tosspottery...it's about making choices.
Ten years ago, I decided I wasn't going to be a big wuss about being bi-polar. You have bad times, yes...ride them out. Suicide rates are pretty high - treated and untreated. I get it. I don't judge. I'm not a judge - I'm a writer. People get low, see no other way out. I figure your death is, by and large, the one thing you get to take control of. Not condoning...but not judging. I'm not Catholic, either...obviously.
But, here's the rub - you choose. You always choose. Being a man, being a woman? You choose, every single day. You choose to be cool, or be an arse. You choose to be polite, or be rude.
I have help, I won't deny it. My wife, my family, all of them, are awesome. They're a big help. But even if you haven't got a partner and no one's got your six? Take it further, you choose to live. The black dog isn't, ever, the boss of you.
But I'm not a judge. Not even a little bit.
So, ten years or so ago, I hit the lowest I've ever been. Then, I started out writing. Sometimes, I write stuff that has a kind of resonance with me. Sometimes, I just write stories and I'm happy enough with that. Either way, it's what I do, how I deal with my devil.
Tonight, I signed a top contract. I'm not dead yet. It's a good contract. Coming out of a bad time, the ebb to the flow, and finding I'm still alive is always sweet. Signing a nice contract, always sweet.
But the moral, if there is one? You choose. Always.
Novel and Novella Excerpts
- Red Ice Run (with Ryan C. Thomas)
- Field of Heroes
- ALT REICH
- Pig (With Edward Lorn)
- The Mulrones #1: A Scarecrow to Watch over Her
- The Mulrones #2: Death by a Mother's Hand
- The Mulrones #3: Flesh and Coin
- The Mulrones #4: Deadlift
- The Love of the Dead
- The Dead Boy
- A Home by the Sea
- A Stranger's Grave
- The Walls of Madness
- The Lies of Angels
- Unit 731
- Cold Fire
- Masters of Blood and Bone
- Left to Darkness
- BLOOD DRUGS TEA
- Spiggot, Too
- Days of Christmas
- The Cold Inside
- Dark Words
- Dead in the Trunk
- Angels in Black and White
- Line of Kings #1: The Outlaw King
- Line of Kings #2: The Thief King
- Line of Kings #3: The Queen of Thieves
- The Line of Kings Boxed Set Edition
- Rythe Awakes
- The Tides of Rythe
- Rythe Falls
- Beneath Rythe
- The Rythe Quadrilogy Boxed Set Edition
- The Complete Sun Destroyers Saga (Septology)
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Taking Drugs Successfully
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Keeping your Broken Body Ticking
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Fixing and Making Stuff
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Cooking like Normal People
- FREE READ! Zombies' Guide to Coping with Small Humans
- Ghost Voices
- The Warrior Soul