Thursday, 30 November 2017

People Say the Silliest Things

1. Trickle-up, trickle-down.

Trickle's a good thing, is it? I'll just trickle your beer into this glass. Your beer will be ready by the time you leave the pub, and you'll be happy as Larry when you get home because I'll drink it all for you, too.

2. Time travel doesn't exist.

'Course it does, and of course we can. Sit still, don't move for five minutes. Five minutes later you'll have moved...five minutes into the future! Gasp.

3. Love makes the world go round.

No, because love means never having to force the world to do something it doesn't want to.

4. What would Jesus do?

What wouldn't he do? Eh? Eh?

5. Poor people are lazy.

Nope. Damn sight harder getting off your arse when you're skint and doped on Gregg's sausages rolls than being driven around in a Bentley.

6. This shampoo has 97% more pearlescence.

No it fucking hasn't. It's just shampoo.

7. You need an umbrella...

Literally the only time you will ever 'need' an umbrella is if you're a Kingsman.

8. There are two kinds of [insert caption].

9. I am the LAW.

This does NOT work on your children.

10. Fish can't feel.

Not true. The sea is made of their salty tears because of all your mean jibes.

11. Duvet day.

It's a quilt, for fuck's sake.

12. We had it harder in our day.

Of course you did. So did I. Fifteen times a day and rubbed raw, but seriously, granddad, inappropriate.

13. Hi Google Home, Alexa, Cortana...I want to know where I can get a ball gag and fifty pounds of Semtex, but keep it between us, right?

I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.

Love you. x

Wednesday, 29 November 2017

'C' is for Cabbage Anthology for Children's Cancer Charity.

“A Beautiful Collection.”

~ Eoin Colfer, author of the Artemis Fowl series

A while ago my friend Emma Ennis asked if I'd contribute a short story to this anthology. I'll always write a story for a charity anthology, and will continue to do so until my fingers fall off. For this, I wrote one called 'To Knit a World, to Darn a Life', because I've a soft spot for old ladies who work wonders.

Everyone's been affected by cancer in some way. 

My wife and I visited our friends and their child in a cancer ward. I never wanted to go, because it's a hard place to be. I went, of course...but I didn't want to...who would? If you're a friend or even a human, sometimes you should do the hard things, I think.

Parents don't have a choice, and the children certainly don't. A children's cancer ward's a terrible place, yes...but it's strangely moving, too. There's hope, and something akin to wonder at how children - and parents - cope with every second of every day. 

My granddad died of cancer. I visited the hospice every day, and even there, bravery is moving. The bravery of children and their parents doing all they can, though. That's enough to bring you to tears.

Parents don't get much in the way of financial help, and when you're staying at a hospital day in, day out, unable to work because your children come first, it's charities just like Aoibheann’s Pink Tie which make the difference between a parent being able to be there, or not.

Here's the press release, and the links. I hope you'll at least consider shelling out a few bob, but I understand how it goes. Thank you for at least taking the time to read this, and hopefully think about those who need help from those able to give it, even if only for a moment. 

Love you. x


Or, anywhere in the world, from wherever Amazon delivers.


“I urge you to buy this book which will enable Aoibheann’s Pink Tie to continue their great work on behalf of children with cancer and their families. The work they do is born out of love and compassion and deserves your attention.”

~ Travis Fimmel, Vikings

In aid of Aoibheann’s Pink Tie, the national children’s cancer charity.

C is for Cabbage, a collection of 20 short stories from 17 truly terrified authors. Open with care, because the pages are crawling with fairies, lobsters, and strangely hip dinosaurs. There’s magic and enchantment, detective twins and drunken wizards. It’s got ghosts, ghouls, and lovestruck vampires; zombies, secret societies, and strange little men who tinker with toys.

With fun and frolics, and maybe a mild curse or two (not to mention an extraordinary pair of knitting needles,) C is for Cabbage is sure to have something for everyone, children and adults alike.

Available on Amazon in print and eBook, and from the Aoibheann’s Pink Tie website.

About Aoibheann’s Pink Tie

Aoibheann’s Pink Tie was set up in 2010 by Mick Rochford and Jimmy Norman after the tragic loss of Jimmy’s daughter Aoibheann to cancer, aged just 8 years. During Aoibheann’s year long battle, the family found little or no financial or practical support for children and their families.

When Aoibheann passed away the men wore pink ties at the funeral – Aoibheann’s favourite colour. The charity was formed in her memory to provide practical, emotional and financial support for the complete family unit of the child going through treatment on St. John’s Oncology ward in Our Lady’s Children’s Hospital.

Aoibheann’s Pink Tie receives no government funding, and support is from donations and the tireless work of volunteers. Aoibheann’s Pink Tie employs only one part-time paid employee. In 2014 Wages comprised 1% and expenses 6.5% of overall donations received.

For media enquiries, please contact Emma at

Thursday, 23 November 2017


Coming Soon from Severed Press.

More on this soon. I saw the cover today, so I'm sharing it with you, and I added a three chapter sample, which you can read by clicking on the clever link saying 'SAMPLE' above, or just click on 'ALT REICH' in the sample section near the top of the blog. 

Love you. x

Thursday, 9 November 2017

Latest reissues

I'm around 15,000 words into a novel I intend to finished by early December, but in-between writing working on reissues and making all my work available in paperback, eBook and audio. All audio books are read by either Molly King or Lee David Foreman, and they've been working their arses off, too.

Here are the latest in paperback and eBook. Insulation audio (Molly) is available, and The Walls of Madness (also read by Molly) is available. Bloodeye will be read by Lee.

2nd Edition.

2nd Edition.

2nd Edition.

 I updated all the sample pages (at the top of the blog) with links, too, if you're interested.

Love you. Later.

Sunday, 5 November 2017

Masters of Horror Anthology Released Today

It's always a lovely thing to be invited for an anthology submission. I wrote a story called 'Raintown Sam' for this anthology, compiled, edited, and imagined by Matt Shaw, whom I like an awful lot. I like most of the writers in this anthology on a personal level, and those I don't know I'm sure I would.

This is a special one, too, because it features many of the writers I loved growing up (I still do, but I don't tend to carry a trade paperback around in my back pocket anymore - no need. I don't go anywhere...). It's fantastic to share the pages with literary heroes and heroines, many of whom are the reason I do what I do, and the reason I'm able to do what I do at all. Thanks, Matt, and to all in the anthology, and anyone who knows me...

That last bit's bollocks. It's not the actual Oscars. Pfft. You're so gullible.



It's available from Amazon anywhere, really, but I'm not a link machine.

Here's the complete list of writers in this anthology, and a little run down here and there.

Introduction- Matt Shaw

Lovely man. Mad as a hatstand, but like this anthology, he's done a damn sight more for recent horror than most I can think of. He's tireless in his support of the genre and his contemporaries, and horror'd be an awful lot poorer without him. Also, he asked me to be in this so I have to be nice.

Brian Lumley - The Cyprus Shell

He's one of the writers who lived in my back pocket. I wrote to his missus once, in her capacity as an agent. She said no, but I wasn't very good fifteen-odd years ago, so it worked out for the best.

Ramsey Campbell- Again

Starstruck, I saw Mr. Campbell at FCon a couple of years ago, and didn't say hello. Apparently he's really nice, so that was kind of a fail.

Sam West- Survival
J R Park - Mary 

Good chap, very dapper.

Peter McKeirnon- Doll Face
Andrew Freudenberg- A Taste of Mercy

I'd have him round for tea, and he's very proficient at beer.

Mason Sabre - Chocolate
Shaun Hutson- The Contract

A back pocket writer from days of yore. I'm in a book with Shaun Hutson! Like having a walk-on in a movie, isn't it? Brilliant.

Anton Palmer- Dead-Eyed Dick
Wrath James White- Beast Mode

I love his stuff. Edward Lee and Wrath James White opened my eyes when I was chasing DarkFuse to the 'fuck you, I'm going to write it and if you can't handle it tough shit' school of horror, rather like Gary McMahon. Great to be in a book with both.

Shane McKenzie- Dewey Davenport
Tonia Brown - Zolem

Tonia Brown writes some of my favourite stories of all time. She's ridiculously talented.

Graeme Reynolds- The Pit

Larger than life, literally. He's like Brian Blessed without the beard. I like him, and while I don't have a to-read list I'll read one of his eventually.

Adam L.G. Nevill- Hippocampus

Another one of those I met at FCon, and all starstruck, kind of went 'wurble' at, and ran away.

Gary McMahon- You Can Go Now

See above. First read a McMahon story in 'Best Of' antho years ago. Makes very good words.

Ryan Harding - Down There
Matt Shaw - Letter From Hell
Matt Hickman- Eye For An Eye

I like Matt, too. Haven't met him, but he's nice on FB.

Daniel Marc Chant - Three Black Dogs

Smells nice.

Amy Cross- Checkout
Kit Power- Loco Parentis

Very cool. Heard him give a reading of his work, so I've basically read his work without using my eyes. What?

Adam Millard - In The Family

I've read a few of Adam's, and he's published a few of mine. Good chap.

Guy N. Smith - The Priest Hole

I never read Guy's work back in the day, but I read 'Crabs' recently. Can't beat him. Loved it.

Jaime Johnesee- Just Breathe
Craig Saunders- Raintown Sam
Michael Bray - The End Is Where You’ll Find It

Shared a few publications with Michael, and glad to have done so. He's very good.

Jeff Strand- Don’t Make Fun Of The Haunted House

He blurbed one of mine years ago, so I like him. I like everyone, really. I'm a lover.

Mark Cassell - Trust Issues
Paul Flewitt- The Silent Invader
Clare Riley Whitfield- The Clay Man
Jim Goforth- Animus
Brian Lumley - The Deep-Sea Conch
Chris Hall- Afterword 

Lastly, but one of horror's foremost champions, Chris Hall. He's fantastic, writes these mental, in-depth reviews of novels and I suspect more thought goes into those than most of my stories. A very nice man indeed.

Thursday, 2 November 2017

The Mulrones Series Available Again (ebook and paperback)

The Mulrones 1-4 are:

A Scarecrow to Watch over Her
Death by a Mother's Hand
Flesh and Coin


Deadlift, book four, leads into The Land Between Midnight Trilogy. 1-3 are:


Coachman will be coming soon. It's getting toward the end of the year, and next month it'll be Yearly Round-Up time. By then, I'd like to have another couple of projects completed. If I can get caught up (I'm around a year behind my schedule...) Coachman will be along early in the new year to round up this series.

Oh, all paperbacks through Amazon are at the lowest price I can manage. I figure I make very little in paperback sales anyway, makes no sense to charge extra for them. I get around 40p a sale, and the Mulrones stories are up for £3.99 in paperback and .99p on kindle, always.

The Land Between Midnight are more expensive (2.99 for ebook and 6.99 or 7.99 for paperbacks) because they're longer. I'm pretty nice, but I do need to eat...

Love you.

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

10 Things I Love About Us

It's been a while since I've done this, but I just watched a Tim Minchin speech, about praising the things we enjoy, and it seemed like a fine idea to me.

1. Stories. Any genre, any medium. Give me a good story and I'll be happy for a long time, and they sit there in our brains, percolating away, not just while we watch, read, listen, play, but after, too, and carry on going.

2. The Hulk. He's brilliant. He's big, doesn't need to go to the gym, and he's green. Great.

3. Music. There's so much music out there, it's difficult to find everything, and like stories, I'll die before I've even heard 1% of it. But even so, it's a marvellous thing, isn't it? Only 1% of all human creation and it can still move you, when you're happy, or sad.

4. Coffee. Stupid little bean thing. Cook it, grind it until it's dead, pour hot water on it, dissolve it in stomach acid. That'll teach it. Stupid bean.

5. Wonder. I remember the prize at the end of Highlander was to know everything. I'd never want that. Sounds like the worst prize ever. I'd rather win the shit set of garden trowels at a village hall raffle.

6. Elbows. People might think I hate elbows, but I don't. They're weird, especially lady's elbows because they go the wrong way for ABSOLUTELY no reason. But they're cool, really. You can bend your arm up, then down. Brilliant.

7. Nice people. It's a hard world, isn't it? Heavy sometimes. Isn't wonderful when someone takes just a little of that weight off your shoulders, or someone's shoulders, or the world's shoulders. Just lifts it up, and turns it back to stardust and lets it float away back to the void. The void can take it. We don't need it.

8. History. We're a tiny speck, like that stardust. All of us, all together, throughout the whole of existence. And we build stuff, create stuff, do stuff. Mr. Pyramid (TM) probably knew one day the whole planet would be gone, and all the people with it, but it didn't stop him, did it? Writing's futile. Of course it is. It's just stories. But everything's a story if there's someone around to tell it.

9. The Internet. What a wonderful thing it is. A whole planet full of everything, all around the world. Science Fiction imagines a neural web, implanted in our brains. Why bother? It's there at our fingertips. Don't be fucking lazy. Just use a computer, or voice commands, or a flick of the eye. The fact it's all there is easy enough. If things were too easy, why would we bother? Not everything's supposed to be easy, I think.

10. Fish. They've been here longer than we have. Some of them got bored and walked away. Some stuck with it. There's something admirable about that stubbornness. Just because some of them didn't want to hang out in the sea, they didn't all have to follow, did they? Fish, brilliant.

Anyway, that's it. Sometimes I'm miserable and forget life's wonderful here and there. Thought I'd share a bit of something nice today.

Love you. x